we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
