you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
