sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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