K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
