i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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