Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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