Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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