I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize