So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
