i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no you cant smoke seaweed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
