I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
