Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
