Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
