We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
