All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
