My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
