she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
