it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
