Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
