SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
