i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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