I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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