That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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