dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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