If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
