Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
