The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
