How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
