if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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