if only i could text you this smell
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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