Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
