Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
