Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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