see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
