East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I understand Curling. That high.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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