She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
