she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
