Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
