Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
