sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
