I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
