her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
