do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
