I will die if light touches me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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