did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
