I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She bit a glass in half.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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