How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
