did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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