i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
