I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
