I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My cat gives me a boner
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
