ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize