you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
