member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
