First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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