I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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