Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
