I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
handjob tips. give me some.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
