between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
