You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
