dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
