Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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