dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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