I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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