3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
