ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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