did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
