She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You ruined the universe
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
