i need an iv and a liver transplant
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
