Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
