I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize