I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Are we in a gay sports bar?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You smell like stripper and shame
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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