yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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