No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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