I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
