I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
