redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
