shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
