hotel room ftw
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
