I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
