perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
