the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
