if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
