Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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