I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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