connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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