walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The beer is more important than you right now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
