You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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