You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
