mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you traded sex for a burrito?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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