I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize