You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
