I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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