You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
