I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
