By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
