Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
