i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
