I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
