I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
