I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize